Story: How to be a bad customer

I worked service bar tonite. If you haven't ready any of my previous posts, service bar sucks. Not only are you required to churn out every drink for the 3-6 servers (depending on time) you are also the first well people come to when entering the club.

I was weeded. See two posts down. I ended up ringing $2500 (300+ more than the day drawer). And I made a majority of the server drinks.

As the special ($2 Any Drink) comes to an end, the bar becomes nuts as every person tries to get in that last Goose and Cranberry (or what have you).

Tonite, I split equal time among customers and servers. I would take 3-6 customer orders and then crank out 5-10 server tickets. Well, apparently someone didn't like that.

When I'm working at this station, I go left to right, serving all of the customers at the bar and then making all of the server drinks that have stocked up on my printer. I started with a nice Indian (dot, not feather) man who wanted two margaritas and then proceeded down the line. Having taken care of the first round of patrons, I moved to server drinks. Suddenly, one of the Indian man's friends (or co-workers, or whatever) is waving his Coors Light bottle around like it is on fire.

I did what I always do. Ignore everyone (or, if they manage to make eye contact with me, give them the one second, I'll be right with you gesture). Well, this guy got increasingly belligerant. he was waving the bottle around and slamming it on the bar.

Finally, I had enough.

"Hold the fuck on. I'll get to you when I can!" came roaring out of my mouth. The man seemed aghast. Wait? What is that?

I manged to dig myself out of the server weeds and when I finally got to the man he asked for his check. Awesome. Get the fuck out of my bar. He left a $0 tip on a whopping $16.25 check.

Hey asshole, learn some manners. Wait your goddamn turn. And if it is so important for you to get a drink, have your friend order all of them when he is standing at the bar.

And honestly folks, don't seriously try to get a beer from the service bartender. His main job is to get the cute girls who you love to gawk at, their drinks.

Rant: Bartender Training

This past week, I've been asked by at least five people to teach them to bartender. I'd say half of them would never be able to cut it.

Alot of people say that bartending is easy, fast, big money. I would tend to agree with them. If you have that personality to deal with the ins and outs of the business.

I made over $350 on tuesday, working from 9pm-2am.

That is $70+ an hour. Who other than lawyers or chief executives make that kind of money.

However, bartending is not easy.

It requires you to be able to do a ridiculous amount of math in your head. It requires you to be able to serve every guest with the respect and a smile, regardless of how terribly the prick before them treated you. It requires you to be on your feet all the time (try working an 18 hour shift and tell me this is easy). It requires you to be able to handle the weeds (when you're 3 deep at the bar, your service tickets are backing up, the barback just broke a glass in your ice well, you're out of well vodka, captain morgan, and jagermeister, and the special is about to end).

To anyone who says being a bartender is easy, yes, you're right. Mixing drinks and serving them is not hard. Popping the top off of two Miller Lites takes not training.

To anyone who says being a great bartender is easy, I say fuck you. And I mean it, Fuck You! Until you've been surrounded by 100+ guests, all demanding your attention, all demanding alcohol, all drunk, and all beligerant and you've made it out with a cool head, you cannot call yourself a Great Bartender

December Recap

So I've been gone for a week or so and I just want to catch everyone up on what is going on in my life.

First, I've graduated. I think. I failed one class that was required for my double major but instead of spending more time wasted in college on a major that is pretty much useless, I dropped it to a minor will be graduating, pending my final grades in my other classes (which should all be passing).

Secondly, I fell into and out of love. I met Crystal on a friday night while her friend was making out with a dude in one of the booths. She had me at hello and pretty much picked me up. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that she looked like a more beautiful version of my Ex-Girlfriend. She went home with me that night and beyond work and school, we spent every minute together for 6 days straight. We even said the "three deadly words" (i.e. "I love you"). It was crazy. I've been single and promiscous (c'mon, I'm a bartender) for almost 3 1/2 years and after meeting this girl, I considered throwing away all of my short term plans to move with her wherever she wanted.

She captured me, heart, mind, and soul.

Unfortuantely, she graduated college and moved home to Arizona. I've yet to talk to her on the phone and it has been 16 days.

Luckily, I'd been preparing for the fact that she'd never come back and am coping relativelty ok. She taught me that love was possible. She taught me that it is ok to throw caution to the wind and fall maddeningly in love with someone. She taught me that there are people out there who I can fall in love with and who will love be back.

It was only a few days, but I'm still in a slight amount of pain. It brings up questions like "Why now? Why not earlier? Do the fates hate me?" However, I've taken the higher route. She was an angel (or whatever your religion deems) brought into my life by the Almighty (I am agnostic so I recognize no name for the Creator) to show me that giving up is futile and that I will find someone.

Ok, ok, ok. This blog isn't about me. But I needed to get that out there.

Back to bartending.

This week, I rang higher than the day drawer 3 out of 4 days. To explain, one drawer is assigned for the entire day, meaning that the total of the drawers contents equals both the day-time bartender (10am-4pm) and the late bartender (4pm-2am). I came in at 4 both days and had higher sales than it did in 6 less hours.

I'm a startender. I'm a braggert. I'm arrogant. But I think I've earned that right.

So you know, my rings were $2800, $1860, and $2500.

Let me run your bar. I will make it more profitable than any bar in the city you are in ;).

Level Bartender's Challenge

As I mentioned in my previous post, I was a competitor in the level Bartender's Challenge. The goal was to create a unique and delicious drink using level Vodka as the primary ingredient.

I am proud to announce that I took first place by a land slide and claimed the $350 prize. My recipe can be found in the post below this one. Try it, it's f'n good.

Story: Specials

We run a pretty sick special at the club. From 8:30-10:30, we offer $2 You Call It Cocktails and Beer. Any drink or any beer in the house is $2. This does not include Red Bull drinks ($2 upcharge for any drink) or shots (we'd rather people pace themselves somewhat).

I like it. Alot of places run 10-12 specials just to get people in the doors. Shit like 50 Cent drinks, or $1 You call its. Hello, welcome the cheapskates.

Our special packs the place early and then people stay for the awesome atmosphere. Great DJ. Awesome bands. We offer it all.

However, there are those folks who come just for the special. I can't blame them, drinking for cheap is great.

Take, for example, "I'm a balla drinking Grey Goose guy." He has no problem ordering rounds of 5-10 Grey Goose drinks for his buddies. They're ballas, right? Only dudes with huge incomes drink Grey Goose, right?

This guy does one of two things.

First, he'll order a round of shots during the special, thinking that shots are included. I love watching guys order 10+ Washington Apples or Soco and Limes and then have me drop the total on them.

"That'll be $55" (for, say, 11 shots)

Balla guy. "What, oh fuck, shots aren't on special?"

Me: "No, sir, shots are never on special."

Balla Guy, fumbling through his pockets. "Fuck, ok put it on this."

Normally a $2 tip. Haha, no such a balla now are we?

Or, he'll order the same round he's been ordering at 10:40, say, 7 Grey Goose and Cranberries (and btw, why would you ever waste a quality vodka by mixing it with shitty post-mix cranberry juice. Answer: to look like a balla).

His round that costs $14 just skyrocketed to $49.

Guy: "Oh shit, I'm not paying that."

Me: "Sir, you ordered it, our specials are posted very clearly outside. You need to either pay for these drinks or I can introduce you to two very uniformed police officers."

Guy: "Oh, fuck, ok."

So tonite, I drink to you, Mr. "I want to be a balla but can't really afford it."

I enter a drink contest on monday, so enjoy my newest concoction.

1 Key lime, quartered
4 Large Basil Leaves
2 Teaspoons of White Sugar
Splash of Italian Lemon Soda

Muddle.

1 1/2 Oz Level Vodka.
3/4 oz Sweet and Sour Mix

Shake with Ice

Double strain into a cocktail glass

Add 1/2 oz Italian Lemon Soda.

Enjoy

Story: Why do girls not order rounds?

I've noticed something in the past 8 months working at places in the "downtown" area of my city.

Girls always buy there own drinks and not any for their friends.

When guys order, they'll usually order 2-5 drinks, for them and their friends. They buy rounds. Everyone is expected to buy a round (and normally do). Lots of times, with older guys, they'll fight over who is paying.

However, when girls come out, it seems as if they line up in a queue and each order the same thing, one at a time. Maybe I get it. They are used to having guys buy them drinks, so they adopt a "to each their own" strategy.

However, I'm telling you ladies. If you have one person go up to the bar and order 5 miller lites, instead of each doing it on your own, you'll get your beer much much faster.

Go drink a Miller Lite tonite, its what I am sipping on right now.

Story: I'm Hot

I will preface this post with some simple facts about myself.

1. I am overweight.

2. I think I am unattractive.

3. I play Dungeons and Dragons (although not as of late)

4. Bartending is the only reason I know how to talk to girls.

I doubled on saturday. Doubling is usually not a big deal at most place. It normally means you work 8-12 hours and are done early. Not at the club. Doubling at the club means starting at 10am and working until close (2 am, however after cleaning and tip counting more like 4am).

I put in an 18 hour shift, in otherwords.

The day started good. I had a Starbucks Chat Tea Latte which picked me up after having slept only 4 hours the previous night (I work 12 hours on friday and 12 on wednesday and got royally messed up on thursday [thanksgiving, my only day off last week])

I was working with some of my favorite people. Angela, who is normally a server but bartends sometimes, Caren, the server who has broken my heart numerous times (thats another story), and a few other good peeps.

The day shift was nothing to talk about. It's funny, because we are the "other team bar." When the home college team (of whom I am a student) plays, we are inundated by fans of the other team en route and returning from the game.

We continued on until we got crushed at 9pm, which is the usual for saturdays. I cranked out over $2600 on the day, which was nearly a thousand more than any of the other bartenders.

What really stood out was a girl who kept getting long island ice tea's from me. Now normally, I am merely a conduit for girls telling me that several of our other bartenders are hot. However, at the end of the night, something was different. She went up to one of our female bartenders and told her that I was "Hot and she likes me."

That NEVER happens.

Tonite, I bask in being hot and liked.

Enjoy something hot, and unliked:

Prairie Fire

1 oz Tequila
1/3 oz Hot sauce

Shoot!