Story: I'm Hot

I will preface this post with some simple facts about myself.

1. I am overweight.

2. I think I am unattractive.

3. I play Dungeons and Dragons (although not as of late)

4. Bartending is the only reason I know how to talk to girls.

I doubled on saturday. Doubling is usually not a big deal at most place. It normally means you work 8-12 hours and are done early. Not at the club. Doubling at the club means starting at 10am and working until close (2 am, however after cleaning and tip counting more like 4am).

I put in an 18 hour shift, in otherwords.

The day started good. I had a Starbucks Chat Tea Latte which picked me up after having slept only 4 hours the previous night (I work 12 hours on friday and 12 on wednesday and got royally messed up on thursday [thanksgiving, my only day off last week])

I was working with some of my favorite people. Angela, who is normally a server but bartends sometimes, Caren, the server who has broken my heart numerous times (thats another story), and a few other good peeps.

The day shift was nothing to talk about. It's funny, because we are the "other team bar." When the home college team (of whom I am a student) plays, we are inundated by fans of the other team en route and returning from the game.

We continued on until we got crushed at 9pm, which is the usual for saturdays. I cranked out over $2600 on the day, which was nearly a thousand more than any of the other bartenders.

What really stood out was a girl who kept getting long island ice tea's from me. Now normally, I am merely a conduit for girls telling me that several of our other bartenders are hot. However, at the end of the night, something was different. She went up to one of our female bartenders and told her that I was "Hot and she likes me."

That NEVER happens.

Tonite, I bask in being hot and liked.

Enjoy something hot, and unliked:

Prairie Fire

1 oz Tequila
1/3 oz Hot sauce

Shoot!

Comments

Hey guys, I see some folks are reading the blog, which is awesome!

If you are reading the blog, PLEASE! leave some comments if you think it is good or bad or things I should post about. I'm feeling out this blog thing and welcome the encouragement to keep writing!

Everyone rocks!

I'm off to bed before my 18 hour shift tomorrow.

Quick Post: Thanksgiving Eve The Aftermath

I feel like I've been violated. I'm sore as shit. My neck, feet, knees, and back are killing me. The only thing I can say about this night is I made over $300 and saw a few kids I haven't seen in a while.

Tomorrow, I will be drinking Sam Adams Hefeweizen and Bridgeview Riesling all day, eating turkey till I can't move, and then going out until I can't stand up. I work friday night and all day saturday so Sunday should be chock full of updates.

Drink that beer or wine, fuck cocktails for tonite!

Thanksgiving Eve: The Calm Before the Storm

I sit on the eve of the second biggest on-premise night of the year, pondering the insanity that will ensue.

I'm not sure of the specifics as far as revenue, sales, or door count goes, but aside from New Years Eve, I'm always busier on the Wednesday before thanksgiving than any other day.

Its strange to think about it. Everyone is home for the long holiday to celebrate all that they give thanks for and apparently, they really give thanks for me handing them a Corona and two Mind Erasers.

I suppose its a time to see friends and family in a laid back atmosphere unlike most family dinners. They can let go and over drink and no one will judge them. They can chain smoke Marlboro reds without their grandfather giving them the stink eye. They can hook up with that cute girl from High School they never got to ask out.

Its nice too, because while thanksgiving eve received more and more hype each year it doesn't come with the expectations of New Years Eve, which almost always seems to be a let down. Most people are planning on going out, seeing some friends, and having a few beers, nothing more. When it turns into a shotfest and you hook up with the hot high school quarterback who is a lawyer now, its just a bonus. Contrast that with New Years Eve when everyone plans on going out and getting laid. Its always a let down to not have someone to kiss at midnight on new years, but playing tonsil hockey is just a bonus on Thanksgiving Eve.

Not to mention I much prefer Thanksgiving turkey over New Years ham anyday of the year!

I'll likely have a post up on thursday should anything exciting happen tonite (the lead up to tomorrow) or for thanksgiving eve itself. Lets hope something fun happens!

Today, enjoy a:

Blue Lagoon

1/2 oz Bacardi O
1/2 oz Malibu or Parrot Bay Coconut flavored Rum
1/4 oz Blue Curacao
1/2 oz Pineapple Juice
Splash Cream

Combine all ingredients in a shaker with just enough cream for color. Shake and strain into shooter glasses.

Story: Red Headed Sluts

The last post reminded me of a quick funny story from when I was working in a shitty college bar.

It was another slow slow monday and I was sitting back and drinking Coronas to pass the time. A middle aged woman comes into the bar and sits down, looking at our cocktail menu. I saunter over and put a bevnap in front of her and use the simple "What can I get for you today?"

She seems to know what she wants, but doesnt want to say it. Finally, she asks me:

"What do you put in your Red Headed Sluts."

I try to stifle my laughter and respond with.

"Usually two fingers, but I'll use three if she's really naughty," while holding up the infamous Shocker.

She looked aghast, but I simply laughed as she ambled out of my "fine" establishment.

Serves you for asking!

Enjoy a fine Red Headed Slut:

Red Headed Slut
3/4 oz Jagermeister
1/2 oz Peach Schnapps
Splash Cranberry

Shake and serve as a shot, or with more cranberry, a tall drink.

Tips and Tricks: Accordion Pour

This is a simple trick that I've used to wow customers many times.

It works best with shooters or martinis but can somewhat be used for any drink.

The set up:

Stackable highball glasses equal to the number of shooters you are making, plus one.
Rocks glasses spaced appropriately.
Booze and mixers.

First, line up the rocks glasses on the bar. Depending on how large your highball glasses are, you may need to space out the rocks glasses. My advice is to try this a few times with just water and see what kind of spacing is necessary.

Then, put a small amount of ice in each highball. Enough to chill the liquor you'll be pouring in, but not so much as to prevent the glasses from properly stacking.

Stack up all the highballs. If you are doing 5-6 or less, you can normally hold them in one hand. If doing more than 5-6, you'll want a little help from a barback or another bartender.

Start to pour the shots into the glasses. You can either pour each individual liquor into the glasses by "dragging" the stream up the side of your highball tower, or by straining equal parts into each glass.

You're not ready for the pour. Hold the stack at the top and bottom and push it gently together so it doesn't topple apart mid pour. Then, begin turning the tower from vertical to horizontal, so that the shooter from the first glass pours into the first glass, second into second, and so on.

Watch as the tips and shooter orders come streaming in.

For martinis, you'll have to use tins. Also, you need to put ice into the tins so that they are properly spaced.

Now that you've learned the accordion pour, go enjoy some fun shooters!

Washington Apple
3/4 oz Whiskey (Crown is the accepted, but it really doesn't matter)
1/2 Apple Schnapps
Splash of Cranberry.

Mix in a tin and serve as shooters.

Story: The Patrons You Love to Wait on

This may sound cynical, but I tend to look at the majority of my patrons as dollar signs. Early in the night, it is easy to talk, laugh, and joke with people around the bar when there aren't 600 thirsty people trying to get a drink. I can make friends, do some bar tricks, tell some jokes, share some stories, and, for the out of towners, talk some smack on their football team. All of it is in good fun, and one of the coolest guys I met last week were in town to cheer for the opposing team.

Anyway, I'm waiting on this group tonite who are, again, fans of the "other team." I give them the usual ribbing about how their team sucks and we're going to win and blah blah blah, but truthfully, I've never been a big sports fan. If we're winning, I'm probably sleeping or doing homework throug the game. If we're losing, I'm usually doing the same. Sports have just never caught my attention. I know, I'm a closet nerd.

So I wait on these guys for a good hour as they are my only company as I crank out a slightly above average number of drinks for the service well. Nothing out of the ordinary and certainly nothing I can't handle. I make friends and then all of the sudden the rush hits.

Saturdays are strange to say the least. Normally, we'll have a small to medium crowd of out of towners and a few locals in to watch the college football games and oggle the hot waitresses (hey, I really can't blame them). However, around 9 or 10 oclock, all hell breaks loose. We'll go from having 200 people in the club to 600 in a matter of 20 minutes. That puts a severe strain on the bartenders and waitresses alike as they try to serve all the new guests who are drinkless. The problem with service bar, is that it is the first well that guests see when they walk into the Club.

What happens, and it isn't pretty, is that server tickets will spit out of the printer while half of all the new patrons try to get a drink from me. Luckily, many regular customers have learned to hit the beer tub or slower stations for their first drink (even if they are my friends, the bastards) simply because I can't make enough drinks to keep up with the demand. There are few if any bartenders there that can, as evidenced by the fact that I work service well almost every shift.

Today, something crazy happened. server tickets were spitting faster than I've ever seen and they were larger than usual. So not only was I getting hit with more tickets, I was getting hit with bigger tickets.

The way I usually work is to grab three tickets, memorize the 4-8 drinks, and go make them, come back, wait on 2-3 patrons, then go back to the printer. I tried doing that but I was getting huge backup on the printer (i'm talking 6-10 tickets deep).

So I had to try something different. I pulled ALL the tickets, put them all right in front of my well and cranked out every drink, then tried to make it around my station while the printer filled back up.

This is where my favorite patrons come in. I'm a fairly messy bartender. I spill ice out of my well, spray soda down the sides of glasses by accident, etc. However, I make the most drinks per hour and I always pour a proper drink. This being the case, the area I was laying my tickets was soaked and i was getting soggy tickets I could barely read. I went to go pour some draft beers and i came back to a ridiculously dry bar top with all my tickets aligned nice and neat. I looked up at Jim and Tony who were the "other teams fans" and they smiled and waved a bar towel at me. I loved them! They cleaned up my shit when I couldn't and helped me and everyone of my servers make more money. That is the best tip I could get. Truthfully, I don't remember if the group as a whole were good or lousy tippers, but they could have stiffed me for all I care! Their little bit of help surely helped put more money in my tip buckets and the pockets of my servers.

I of course asked my manager if I could by them all a shot, and he came back with the usual, "absofuckinglutley"

So tonite, I toast to Jim, Tony, Carol, Jeff, and the guy drinking tall Beam and Cokes.

Enjoy a:

Rocky Mountain Mother Fucker
1/2 oz Amaretto
3/4 oz Southern Comfort
1/4-1/2 oz of Lime Juice.

Shake well and serve as a shooter!

Bar Wars: Cocktail Hour

Awesome Cocktail Trailer, recut to be similar to Star Wars

Cocktail Horror Version

Awesome Coktail Trailer, with the movie recut as a horror film!

Story: Sunday Funday - The Beer Pong Tournament 2

Bartenders and the rest of the service industry(servers, hosts, barbacks, etc) exist in a strange microsm of the world. We work when everyone else is playing and tend to sleep while everyone else is at work. My usual shift begins at 4 or 7pm and goes until 3 or 4am. 9to5ers have their happy hour from 5-7 (when im working) so my happy hour usually goes from 4-6am with my friends from work sitting on someones couch or balcony, consuming far too many beers or shots than is likely wise and typically with a buffet of illicit narcotics to choose from.

Service Industry types really form their own subculture. Their lives tend to not mesh with those who work "normal jobs" and have far more in common with those who work the graveyard shift. Their "weekends" tend to be sunday through tuesday (although during football season, even sunday can be a primo shift). From this dichotomy, springs the ritual of Sunday Funday. 9to5ers can go out on Friday night (or afternoon) and drink and party and dance and copulate and do all the things that annoying bar patrons do. Us? We have to wait until sunday to get our real party on.

Watching people party at SIN (Service Industry Night) nights is certainly a lesson in Anthropology. The vast majority of SI types are nothing like the normal customers. They don't demand, they don't bitch, they don't ask for free or stiff drinks (although they usually get them), they don't ask dumb questions, they don't worry about what is on special, and, most importantly, they tip far too well (this tends to explain why they get so much free stuff).

However, and this is what I find amusing, SI types will party hardcore. Shots and drinks galore. They will get blackout drunk and cause little to no problem. They won't fight someone (unless their bouncers and just have all that rage built up from not being able to hit people at work) unless its very well deserved. They can be a case and a half of Corona deep and still respect where they are at. That's why I love partying with them.

This brings me to the first of many stories about my and my co-workers exploits on Sunday Funday.

This story begins with a bar sponsered Beer Pong tournament. I hadn't planned on playing but the bracket needed one more team so I called my soon to be rooomate who drove down from the suburbs and we began.

Our first two games we win by a relatively large margin. This surprises me because my roommate is normally horrific at beer pong (ever since I made her play gin and tonic pong with me she hasn't been the same, haha). However, both of us are making cups like pros. Two teams that should have been a threat are quickly relegated to the losers' bracket.

However, at this point, my roommate begins to get a bit wobbly. She's not a big drinker and doesnt work in the biz so really hasn't taught her liver how to deal with the deluge of beer and shots like I (and my co-workers) have. We proceed to lost the next two games in close matches and since she has to drive home, I drink all of the beer from the last game: two pints in about 10 minutes.

What happens next is the normal course for teams knocked out of the tournament.

Shots and beers galore!

I continue to drink myself insane with the help of my co-workers, managers, and even owner. Then my best friend and our friends from freshman year show up and the only way to greet friends is with a round of shots...right?

Side note: I have this problem with loving to buy rounds of shots. I used to worry about spending $20-40 in a matter of minutes. However, this was simply a problem of drinking with college students who couldn't afford to "get me back" and buy their own round. However, once a bartender with many bartender and server friends who were always willing to give back for a free shot, this no longer became a problem. I use that word cautiously because when you buy a round of 6 shots, and then proceed to do 6 more shots in the next hour, it can become a problem!

At this point, I'm three sheets to the wind. Actually, its probably more like 5 sheets, but I'm good at handling myself when I'm hammered.

The tournament ends and the MOD (manager on duty) decides he's had enough of our drunk shegnangans and offers last call. I close my $100 tab and we move on to the next bar, a shitty dive that everyone loves and which defines the city I'm from.

After about 3 beers (and likely some shots) there, my mind becomes fuzzy. I remember being cognizant enough to give my car keys to my friend who wasn't driving with the explicit order to punch me in the face should I demand them back because even I knew I was in no condition to operate my zipper fly, let alone an automobile.

I wake up at my managers house with no recollection of the previous night. Still drunk, I down some water and grab my spare key. I wait out the intoxication and drive home to pass back out and fight the hangover pounding in my head. Throughout the day my phone rings with calls from co-workers and my night begins to be pieced back together.

Among the crazyness that happened:

1. I made out with one of our cuter waitresses for at least an hour on a bar stool. I find this out when she calls me asking me if I remember any of it. I have no recollection (unfortuanately) but when she informs me that we did, my only response is "cool."

2. I got cut off, which is a seriously difficult thing to do in this kind of bar.

3. One of the other waitresses dumped an entire pint of beer on my managers head causing him to get thrown out. We begin our mass exodus at this point.

4. I'm in the back room after somehow getting another Corona. As we begin to leave, I struggle to put the new and full bottle of beer into my cargo shorts pocket so I have something to savor on the walk home. One of the bartenders, whom I've become good friends with since, sees it and follows me to the door. When I finnally get the bottle into my pocket and turn to exit, he swoops past me, reaches down and pulls the bottle out of my pocket, apparent to all but me. Still cold, he manages to resell it!

I felt like I got hit by a train the next day but it was worth it if only for the stories of drunken debauchery.

Tonite, enjoy the best hangover killer I know of:

Bloody Mary
1 1/2 oz Vodka
3 oz Tomato juice
1 dash Lemon juice
1/2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
2-3 drops Tabasco sauce
1 wedge Lemon, a piece of celery, cherry tomatoes, or any other garnish

Combine all in a shaker. Give a good shake and add salt, pepper, and extra Tabasco to taste.